I’m constantly daydreaming. Unfortunately these wonderful and playful aspects of my imagination get met with a pragmatic set of questions:
*Could I get a grant for that?
*How much time would it take to develop into a full piece?
*Do I really need a suspended trapeze that is two feet off the ground that I only use for a 2 second inside joke?
Even though I have a series of shows that are set pieces and a couple of participatory installations that I also tour, I’m always yearning for novelty. Having a basic skeletal structure with the freedom to improv within those guidelines is one of my favorite things to do. It’s also incredibly frightening because you don’t know what’s going to happen, but that is what is most exhilarating about the experience.
Art cannot and should not always translate into dollars. Some processes just need to be explored without any thought of future stakeholders becoming involved. At the same time one needs to eat and so a lot of these imaginative bliss-outs stay just that: performances of the mind.
I’ll write them down, I may share the idea with a friend, post a short tangent on Facebook and move on but there is a sadness about not being able to go full force with it mostly due to time and available resources. One of the things I constantly think about is whether I want to force myself into creating an ongoing podcast or vlog or live stream each week that I have to do no matter what.
Really I get these ideas from others who seem to think that living your inspiration in a structured manner is the necessary factor of change. What I’ve realized though is that I need a significant amount of downtime, a ridiculous amount of fucking off where I do absolutely nothing. The reason being is that my work ethic is somewhat ridiculous and if I overdo it (which happens all the time) then I tend to crash and have to spend a few days fucking off anyway because I procrastinated on vegging out. Seems silly but it is accurate.
I know that there is no IT thing. That whatever performance, sound bite, visual cue or gesture that I manifest to bring me to the next level of my artistic career isn’t created by me but by others. Yes, the origin of that tipping point lies within something I did but the cultural effect is up to my audience. IT may never happen and letting that truth, a truth that cuts through the lie of “this is how you become a viral success”, sink in is much more palatable because it allows me to release control that much more.
So I just continue to watch my mind movies, write them down, let them gestate and enjoy them for what they are: a constant reminder that creativity is always at work and there’s nothing that has to be done about it.